The Jazzy "Getting worse" thread...

[JollyRoger]

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

[Jazzy]

[VincentLupo]

[Jazzy]

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol ... Dead .
The second worm in cigarette smoke ... Dead .
Third worm in chocolate syrup ... Dead .
Fourth worm in good clean soil ... Alive...

So the Minister asked the congregation,
"What did you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate,you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service!

[sauron]

[Jazzy]

My mate is flogging Welsh DVD's. Anyone want any?
He's got:
Nine and a Half Leeks
Trefforest Gump
The Lost Boyos
Dai Hard
Sheepless in Seattle
Dai's of Thunder
The Magic Rhonddabout
Independence Dai
and of course, the classic, The Sheepshag Redemption!

[ctaulbee]

[Jazzy]

"Daddy, how was I born?"

'Well son, Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mum and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room and Googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall and since it was too late to hit the delete button..nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: "You got Male!"...

[sauron]

[bazzah]

Welcome to the future