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Bazzah
post Jun 1 2007, 10:58 AM
Post #1

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After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next
flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the
Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as
marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major
airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.


IPB
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BearStyle
post Jun 1 2007, 12:04 PM
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QUOTE(Bazzah @ Jun 1 2007, 12:58 PM) [snapback]42781[/snapback]
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.


Hahaha! Priceless, great post m8 (IMG:style_emoticons/default/giggle.gif)
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corky
post Jun 1 2007, 12:19 PM
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Really good lol (IMG:style_emoticons/default/8834.gif)
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kylumi
post Jun 1 2007, 02:55 PM
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My Favorite Custom Cover:
Platoon by Ivan Urikov

My Favorite Cover Designer:
Ivan Urikov



(IMG:style_emoticons/default/giggle.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/giggle.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/giggle.gif)
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drastija
post Jun 1 2007, 08:03 PM
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(IMG:style_emoticons/default/lolboard.gif)


IPB
"Once you have flown, you will walk the earth with
your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been,
there you long to return."

Leonardo da Vinci
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ubl6612
post Jun 1 2007, 08:08 PM
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My Favorite Custom Cover:
Stargate - The Movie by Powers

My Favorite Cover Designer:
Scaramanga



That was gold (IMG:style_emoticons/default/8824.gif)


IPB
My covers may only be viewed on well calibrated screens and printed on well calibrated printers.
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user name
post Jun 2 2007, 02:05 AM
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My Favorite Custom Cover:
Kernies Collection

My Favorite Cover Designer:
Kernie82



That was awesome. I am almost crying right now, I was laughing so hard.....

Thanks Bazz


IPB
But what do I know?

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Storm Raider
post Jun 9 2007, 01:09 PM
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My Favorite Custom Cover:
Miss Potter by Venome

My Favorite Cover Designer:
To many to choose from



Oh yeah good one we only have two airlines in Australia and Qantas is the only one i will fly for domestic flight does this mean i have to drive next time (IMG:style_emoticons/default/chin.gif)
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