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CyberClown
post May 25 2007, 07:35 AM
Post #1

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1. MILKING IT
When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking
it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love sword as if it's a
piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a
thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshipped and held
tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face
should be), not two-thirds of the way down.

2. ROBOTS
When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the thing and jam
your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should be
caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.

3. SILENT FRIGHT
If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation,
at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty
and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.

4. NO LAUGHING MATTER
Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things
like "Ride my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slut" or "I want to rinse
your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of
the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a
guy who can speak whole sentences.

5. CLOSING UP
If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close
your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and
love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most
cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his
happiness.

6. POOR PRESENTATION
Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it
doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.

7. HANGING AROUND
When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch
you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a
one-night stand you should leave the premises with out thieving anything
or asking for a phone number. His work is done.

8. BEING SHY
Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If you don't like
it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as
he rams away.

9. BEING A DRIP
You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any
ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything.

10. CLOCK-WATCHING
Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying "Are you going to come soon."
If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the
question. If you're giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to
work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you
should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union
between two sexually and gifted human beings.

11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS
Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's ever had. Most men have had so
many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a
man to lie about such an important thing.

12. PLAYING DEAD
Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and
it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to
do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed
with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into
the act to show your appreciation.

13. BEING POSSESSIVE
If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at
a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your
friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man he's probably
shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your
man really happy.

14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON
Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your pussy look like a piece
of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a
ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the
manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be
shagging.

15. SPITTING IT OUT
When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right
into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring the taste and
gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba,
blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I
love it when you come in my mouth" makes for a happy finale to fun and
games.

16. INGRATITUDE
Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended
on making love to you - especially if:
a) sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or:
b) you managed to achieve an orgasm.
A man's role in sex is far more demanding than a woman's so it is always
nice when one's prowess is appreciated.

17. SEEKING FAVOURS
Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm after-sex glow to
seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber,
resist the urge to ask "Do you think I should buy that dress,
skirt/sofa/Mercedes/country cottage?" There is a name for the practice of
mixing sex with material gain - prostitution."




IPB
[color="#00FF00"][b][size=6][size=4]XBOX Live ID : Satans Recon
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sauron
post May 25 2007, 09:20 AM
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lol nice one CC, i suppose all this is from experience (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laughin.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/winking.gif)
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Bazzah
post May 25 2007, 09:43 AM
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That's being printed, framed, and put on the missus' bed side table (IMG:style_emoticons/default/8824.gif) Thanks CC


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CyberClown
post May 25 2007, 01:33 PM
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Forgot to say Thanks to Mrs CC for drafting these (IMG:style_emoticons/default/8834.gif)


IPB
[color="#00FF00"][b][size=6][size=4]XBOX Live ID : Satans Recon
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kylumi
post May 25 2007, 10:38 PM
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My Favorite Custom Cover:
Platoon by Ivan Urikov

My Favorite Cover Designer:
Ivan Urikov



There is nothing about the bitches making a cup of tea when you are half way through pleasuring them............I always enjoy a cuppa ...................its not much to ask when you are keeping someone ecstatically happy for nearly 2 minutes every month (IMG:style_emoticons/default/giggle.gif)
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CyberClown
post May 26 2007, 02:09 PM
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QUOTE(kylumi @ May 25 2007, 11:38 PM) [snapback]42478[/snapback]
There is nothing about the bitches making a cup of tea when you are half way through pleasuring them............I always enjoy a cuppa ...................its not much to ask when you are keeping someone ecstatically happy for nearly 2 minutes every month (IMG:style_emoticons/default/giggle.gif)


2 minutes a month - your obviously one of these new fangled modern men mate (IMG:style_emoticons/default/8834.gif)
You will most likely be inundated with multiple proposals of marriage if any lucky ladies should happen to peruse this post. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/winking.gif)


IPB
[color="#00FF00"][b][size=6][size=4]XBOX Live ID : Satans Recon
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kylumi
post May 26 2007, 10:02 PM
Post #7

HiRes Uber Member
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Group: Contributor

Posts: 4,305
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From: 51.5000° N, 0.1167° W
Joined: May 13 2006
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My Favorite Custom Cover:
Platoon by Ivan Urikov

My Favorite Cover Designer:
Ivan Urikov



come to think of it CC m8 .........the ladies do mention that I am NEW FANGLED...................usually as they walk out the door......................WHY, do ladies SLAM doors..............beats me!?!?!? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/chin.gif)
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cooper
post May 28 2007, 10:02 AM
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HaHa very good (IMG:style_emoticons/default/8824.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/8824.gif)
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